ΨPandemoniumΨ

※密碼提示: 我喜歡的3位男性ニコ歌い手さん的合稱~ tips: axxxxxxxxi ※

When I cry, it won't be the same...

又好久沒有上來了, 回去噗了嘛…
不過心情好差, 上來自己的世界訴一下苦, 我想還是可以吧?
真的不喜歡一個人為什麼不可以講呢? 老實而言我是打一開始就豁出去了, 我說過在那圈子裡, 除了那2位外, i don't care, 但其他人怎麼看我我不在意也好, 要是我說 "我討厭她", 而和她們還在一起, 別人會覺得她們也是一樣地討厭她吧?
外人不會明白 "朋友" 無須對每樣東西的喜惡都相同, 而我不想因為我而讓別人對她們有什麼偏見…但一直讓我看著她的名字, 我都覺得苦, 甚至已經蔓延到我的世界了, 我也無法就那樣刪了算了…
話說她其實什麼也沒怎做過, 我只是覺得她好假好虛偽而已, 我實在沒辦法不用陰謀論去想她…出現的時機、嘩眾的行為…一直好不想她出現, 但當她真的沒有來時, 碰巧她當日又釣到大手了, 你認為我該怎麼想?
就連身邊的人也不識大體, 在別人於自己的地方內提到自己的作品時, 竟然公然講 "我喜歡 __(那女人)__ 的"。我知她身邊有些什麼人她也控制不了, 但我只會回一句 "物以類聚"。
好討厭好討厭! 好希望聽到她死了! 但那位他會難過嗎? 不想想到他傷心的樣子…不想聽到他難過的聲音…他會因此為她演奏嗎? 我全部都不想……
已經由生氣變成難過…
是說, 最近根本就心神不寧…好累…睡的越來越差…工作也不順…人際關係就別講了, 基於自衛本能是只有越來越冷淡和生疏…而且一直在病…
對, "又是這些", 那又如何? 不開心的事過10年也不一定能習慣, 習慣了也不代表能毫無感覺…我知, 我要放鬆、要好好照顧身體、要相信接納別人, 所以還是我錯對吧?
我真的累了…我只想順心地活到死去…人生在世只有幾十年, 誰不想開開心心的? 為什麼要虛偽? 為什麼不能講出心裡的想法?
有時我恨我看得太清, 事實上身邊的人何時在敷衍, 何時在假裝, 何時覺得我好煩, 我真的會知道的…不講出來只因為在意之間的關係, 講了就一切都完了吧?

=====================================
(最近一直在哼的歌… "當我哭時, 我會輕喚你的名字, 我所聽到的, 都像是你的聲音, 雖若這裡是我的依歸, 我不會追隨你離去, 但我真的想念你的微笑, 我這輩子都會帶著對你的回憶, 渡過寒冬, 越過酷暑, 伸手把淚拭去, 只因我比想像的堅強, 若我哭了, 一切就會變質…當我哭了, 我才能得到解脫…)

When I cry  Dianne Reeves

I'm awakened without reason
It's that restless kind of season
I hear the thunder, I hear the raindrops
Then I see rainbows, a rainbow of you
I can remember, just like that summer
The summer when I found a friend in you

When I cry, I call out your name
I can recall all of our childhood
Like a dream that will never die, love
I've taken my sorrow and you'll bring me to the light
When I cry, I call out your name
Just touch me with heaven, at my doorstep
to remind me that I won't be alone
Forever is kinder if it's you who will remind me
that our love, no, it will not die
Show your face to me, my love
you are this darkness, let me know you're home

You're my prayer when it's night time
you give strength to my lifeline
Are you an angel, with all of your wonder?
Are stars your playmates within the sky?
Can you still see me, becoming a woman?
Can you believe it's been such a long time?

When I cry, I call out your name
The echoes of strangers sound familiar
as if it were you I keep hearing
I don't want to follow if it's here I belong
But its true that I miss your smile
I'll carry your memory throughout my lifetime
through the winters and through the summertime
I wipe away tear drops 'cause I'm stronger than I might know
When I cry, it won't be the same

The laughter of friends, my palm in your hand
This is what life seems to be telling me, I need to see

When I cry, I can be set free
like journeys of rivers into the ocean
It's like we're together for always
there is no denying,
I found courage in knowing your love
And I see, you will always be
the sweetest love I have known.
The sweetest friendship
You've made me strong
Diary | 留言:0 | 引用:0 |
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