2009-08-21 Fri 17:40
My strength is now all gone, with the tears and the blood...
What a heck that the cutter is not sharp enough and I can hardly slice my skin.
But it doesn't matter, I just cut more then.
I didn't plan to do so. I even thought that I could get through this without hurting myself in any way.
But the song "The Last Song I'm Wasting on You" just grabbed my heart...
Amy's voice stabbed my chest, my mind like a keen dagger...
I can imagine how it looks like when my heart was ripped out, beating with blood dropping...
My face became hotter and hotter, vaporizing my tears...
The taste of blood sticked on my lips and tongue, dragging my insanity out to surface...
Dizziness and tiredness trapped me, knocking me down to the floor...
I don't wanna die. I'm scared of dying.
But now I want an end to all these torture.
If death is the only way, let it be.
You can't imagine how much I want to pour the bleach, pesticide or something like this into my mouth.
As now I'm hiding in my own room everyday, it's easy for me to die secretly.
I just don't wanna do it myself, but it doesn't mean that I won't do so.
I didn't think of cutting myself either and I just did it when the thoughts came to my mind.
People who really commit suicide usually have no plan at all...
The Last Song I'm Wasting on You Evanescence
They're my own veins.
Any more than a whisper,
Any sudden movement of my heart.
And I know,
I know I'll have to watch them pass away
Just get through this day
Give up your way,
you could be anything,
Give up my way,
and lose myself, not today
That's too much guilt to pay
Sickened in the sun
You dare tell me you love me
But you held me down and screamed,
you wanted me to die
Honey you know,
you know I'd never hurt you that way
You're just so pretty in your pain
Give up my way,
and I could be anything
I'll make my own way
Without your senseless hate...
hate... hate... hate.
So run, run, run
And hate me, if it feels good.
I can't hear your screams anymore
You lied to me
But I'm older now
And I'm not buying baby
Demanding my response
Don't bother breaking the door down
I found my way out
And you'll never hurt me again.
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